How to Divide Mother of the Bride Duties at a Lesbian Wedding

Lesbian Wedding. Two women kissing on their wedding day

The mother of the bride has a lot of responsibilities on her plate, from helping with the guest list to being a supportive dress-shopping buddy. Some of the responsibilities are a result of being the event’s hostess, while others are because her daughter is the bride, of course! If the happy couple is two women, that means both two brides and two mothers of the bride—but that should mean double the help, not extra complications. If both mothers of the brides are supportive, excited, and ready to take on the task of planning a wedding, how can you split up the duties so they’re both involved? Our experts have a few tips.

Planning a wedding with two MOBs can actually make life a little easier for each woman (where as an MOB and MOG might have an imbalanced division of tasks). Even if they aren’t both contributing financially to the event, it’s all about including everyone in the process to make them both feel celebrated and appreciated.

Go Over the Responsibilities

Before you start splitting up the to-do list, make sure everyone understands what needs to be done. Be sure to include traditional mother of the groom responsibilities here, too—you’ll want someone to host the rehearsal dinner, after all! Some duties will be doubled up with two brides (like dress-shopping and gathering any family heirlooms you might want to include), while others only need to be done once (such as planning and hosting the rehearsal dinner).

Play to Their Strengths

When it comes to dividing tasks, consider what each mother will be most comfortable doing. If one has more of an eye for design, include her in your plans with the florist or rental company. If the other is more of the numbers type or has a knack for details, ask her to help you keep the budget in order or review contracts. Be sure to specify who will be doing what so there’s no confusion.

Decide Who Hosts What

Traditionally, the mother of the bride is hostess at the wedding, while the mother of the groom is hostess at the rehearsal dinner (especially if they’re paying for some or all of either of these events). With two brides, however, that distinction is less clear. While mothers don’t usually play hostess at the bridal shower, if you’re hosting one together, your moms might want to team up to plan and host the event.

When it comes to your wedding weekend, it all comes down to who will be contributing financially to which events. If you’re paying for the rehearsal dinner yourselves, treat your moms (and dads!) as guests of honor, but act as hostesses yourselves. If one of your mothers has taken on the responsibility of planning and paying for the event, she should be the evening’s hostess. The same goes for your wedding day—if one set of parents is contributing, they are the evening’s hosts. If they’re both contributing, they should both be named on the invitation and honored throughout the evening.

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